thoughts to ponder with your morning cup of coffee

Thoughts to Ponder

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of
tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue
Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.. .again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that
I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wear
this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello?!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes
to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and
run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then
not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on
when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom
and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you
just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word
they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear get dirty. Pants? Pants never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and
still not know what time it is.

29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time,
every time!

30. My check engine light has been on for three months now and
nothing's happened. I'm starting to think that my car is just looking for attention.

31. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people
because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.

32. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

33. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street
smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

34. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

35. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to
follow each other?

36. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger,
"Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

37. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to
play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins.

38. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and
regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.